Well, it's been over 2 months since I last posted on this blog. Probably not the best idea because it was a tough couple of months and the reason I created this blog was to see how much I've grown over time. I will try to be better about posting through the hard times and not avoiding it.
Today I have been thinking about why I switch a lot at some times in my life and not as much during other times. (When I use the word switch I am talking about loosing time, other parts are up, I'm not in charge of my own body, etc.) It could be a few reasons I guess. Here are some of the possibilities I've come up with so far. I'm sure I've missed a few, but I'll post about those when I think of them. They are in no particular order.
1-Stress. My outside life gets too stressful for me to manage so other parts come up to try and help. This can be any "normal" outside thing. Kids, spouse, weight, school, money, chaos, disorder, etc. Any stress in my life. Not always having to do with trauma.
2-Triggers. This can be a bunch of different categories of it's own. I'll make a few sub categories under it. These are touch because I am still learning what triggers me. Some things I am aware of, but others take me by complete surprise. When I come back in control is when I need to try and figure out what it was that triggered me in the first place so I can try to avoid that or learn to deal with it on an appropriate level. I am not able to do that on my own at this point, but I am learning.
a.) Sight-things that I see can cause a switch without notice
b.) Smell-things I smell can cause me to switch without notice
c.) Touch-different textures can cause me to switch without notice
d.) Sound-things I hear can also do the same.
c.) Touch-different textures can cause me to switch without notice
d.) Sound-things I hear can also do the same.
One way that I can learn my triggers is by checking in with whatever part came up when triggered. The hard part for me right now is that I don't always know who that was. With the help of my therapist I am learning to figure this out. Things I have noticed are the smell of flowers, sound of running water, dogs barking and the sight of blood.
3-Flashbacks. These are probably my least favorite. Not that I have a favorite. These are the most scary to me and other parts. For me there are four kind of flashbacks. Again, I am probably missing some obvious ones, but for now these are the ones I've come up with.
a.) asleep
b.) awake
c.) full memory
d.) partial memory
Sometimes I have a flashback that comes in my dreams. This is tricky for me because lot of people have scary dreams and it doesn't necessarily mean that it is a memory. I have to really search my mind to decipher the difference. Awake memories are usually easier to tell the difference, but those are hard because most of the time it is only a partial memory. They come in chunks. I hate that. I feel like I'm left wondering what happened and I'm scared of when the next piece of information will come. I think the reason for only part of it coming is because I realize I'm having a flashback and my mind tries to change it's coarse so that it doesn't go there. I've been told that it could be because my mind knows how much I can handle at a time. Full flashbacks are usually in my dreams while partial flashbacks are usually while I'm awake.
