Today was a hard day. Harder than I had anticipated it being.
The mornings I have therapy, I usually do better. I look forward to connecting with someone who gets me. Someone that I know cares. Someone that calls me out on stuff and gives me work so that I can get better. Someone that makes all parts of me feel loved. Today was no different. I went to bed knowing that in the morning I would feel better.
The mornings I have therapy, I always know it will be worth it. I don't feel as stressed. I get up and ready without fighting it. Every other day it's a chore to just get out of bed. Every other day I wonder if it's worth it. Sometimes it's not and I stay in bed. Sometimes I talk myself into thinking it is and then it's not worth it. Sometimes I just get up and it is a better day.
The mornings I have therapy, my system is calm. Parts of me are getting ready on the inside as I get dressed on the outside. They take an inventory of each other to see who needs to talk today. Who is most important this time. Often the ones that need it most get shut out. Partly because they don't want to push the others out of the way. Partly because they want others taken care of before them. Even if they feel like they are going to crumble. They get ready every morning. Patiently wait for their turn. Wanting someone to notice that they are there and that they need help.
The mornings I have therapy, I make sure I am on time. I want to spend every second I can in that room. It's my sanctuary. It's the only place I can be me. It's the only place we can be us. We make the drive as our mind wonders where we'll go today. What will our work be?
The mornings I have therapy, I feel more connected with myself and with who I am than any other day. I wonder what we will learn about ourselves today that we didn't know yesterday. I wonder what my parts have to teach me.
Today was a hard day. Harder than I had anticipated it being.
