Blank Mind

I'm not really sure what to write about today.  I guess that's why it's been a little bit since I wrote last.  So here I am sitting at my computer typing who knows what.  I have felt quite accomplished the past few weeks or so.  I don't know why, but I've been doing project after project.  It's been a good thing overall I guess because I can look at my day and see all the things I've done.  That's always a good feeling for me.  If I feel like shit, I can at least see that I did something with my day.  Realize that I am not always so accomplishing.

For example, today.  I had a memory come up that made me physically throw up.  I felt fine when I got up this morning before the memory.  I fed my kids breakfast and I even ate a small bowl of oatmeal squares with them.  (I am not a real big eater in the mornings.) About 2 minutes after I finished my cereal I had a flash of memory flood me and I grabbed the nearest bowl and started spewing my breakfast.  Nice huh?  My oldest son was wanting to help and felt sorry for me, but I wasn't sure how to handle him at the moment so I just told him I was sick and asked him to play with my younger boy so I could rest.  He was a big help today, which I needed.  I pretty much was on the couch all day.  Time flew.  I honestly couldn't even tell you what my mind was thinking all those hours.  I got up only to put my son down for his nap and go back to the couch.  I don't feel like I lost time either.  It felt like I was simply staring at the wall the entire day.  To say the least, I did NOT feel like I accomplished anything.  Sometimes, I would say, it's good to sit and think.  It can be very accomplishing and fulfilling.  Wasn't one of those days.  My mind felt like it was a complete blank, even though I am sure it wasn't.