Comforting Ideas

I get frustrated when I blend with parts.  My parts are very different and I use to always lose time.  It's less often that I do that right now, but parts still do come up and take over at times.  For the most part they blend with me.  Well, I call it blending.  I don't know what other people call it.  For me, it's when I am in control, but can feel other parts mixing with me.  I'm not the only one in charge, but I have the most control.  It makes things hard for me.  I hate feeling like I don't have control.  I'm the one in charge of my body, but at the same time I don't have control.  I don't know how to explain it better.  I imagine it's like someone that has a fully functioning, sound mind, but doesn't have control of their body.

I was having an issue with that last night.  I did loose some time, but most of the time I felt like a child.  A really young child that needed someone to hold them, but I knew I was an adult and that I was not actually a little girl.  But at time same time, it felt like I was little and that I needed that.  The standard things I do to comfort myself weren't working.  It's an embarrassing thing for me when I feel that way.  I usually excuse myself from the situation I am in and try to comfort myself alone.  I don't think that's the best way to cope with my feelings, but I know myself well enough to know that I will probably continue doing it.  I think the reason I feel like that is because there is a young part of me that needs that.  I am too afraid of it to ask anyone to help me.  To hold me.  It sounds weird to ask for as an adult.  Do people without DID need that at times?  Not just a hug, but to really be held and comforted.  I guess I don't know.  I don't think I could ask anyone to do that.  Even if it were my husband.  Scares me too much.  I know he is safe, but my experiences with men contradict what I know about him.