Venting

Today sucked.  It did.  Full of shit if you ask me.  It's been a day where I've had so many f*%#ing images in my head from my past that it felt like a panic attack all day.  I couldn't escape it.  No matter how I tried to help myself it felt all encompassing.  I started it off bad and tried to self soothe, but screw it.  Nothing helped.  I feel like I tried it all.  I tried staying super busy and got into a huge project.  Didn't finish it and my kids were climbing all over everything, which made my organizing a bitch.  Didn't finish.  Note to self.  Never do a project when kids are around.  Especially when it has to do with their toys.  I tried not eating.  I tried eating.  I tried music. I tried resting and taking a nap.  I even took a bath, which I LOVE to do, but our bathtub can barely even be defined as such because it's so small.  My entire body was freezing, which just brought up more images.  My brother and his wife stopped by with about 30 minutes notice so I had to put on my social face, which I felt like I've tried to keep on all day anyways.  Good thing they didn't try and ask me any hard questions or I would have thrown them out of my damn house.  Time for bed.  It's early for me, but I feel that's where I belong right now.  My guess is that is I'll get triggered there too.  I have no where to go!